Strategies to Stop People-Pleasing and Begin Prioritizing You

February 19, 2024
February 19, 2024 Bess Perlstein

People-pleasers tend to be highly attuned to others’ emotions, needs, and experiences. While this can be a gift and strength in many ways, it can also bring up challenges with prioritizing our own needs and leave us feeling a sense of self-abandonment, depletion, and anxiety. People pleasers often feel the need to say yes, when they truly don’t have the time, capacity, or desire. There may be a fear of offending someone or being judged and/or criticized. You might be afraid of conflict and assume it needs to be avoided at all costs, yet in avoiding conflict, we create feelings of resentment or not feeling seen. Through healing our people-pleasing tendencies we can reconnect with our inner wisdom, realign with our true values, and live a more authentic life.

Here are a few tips to heal that people-pleasing part:

  • Setting healthy boundaries
    • Take some time to reflect on your individual limits that make you feel safe, secure, and supported in various areas of your life.
    • Try: Take inventory of your boundaries in one of these areas: how you spend your time, your emotional well-being, and your physical boundaries. Would you consider your boundaries to be porous, rigid, or healthy in different areas of your life?
  • Connect with yourself
    • Explore your interests, values, strengths, growth areas, and prioritize joy/fun
    • Try: Dedicate 1 hour this week to doing something you truly enjoy
  • Mindfulness
    • Practice cultivating mindfulness to build self-awareness and compassion around your patterns, triggers, and fears
    • Try: Listen to a guided self-compassion meditation

Books to explore:
Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself, Nedra Glover Tawwab
Self-Compassion: The Proven Power of Being Kind to Yourself, Kristin Neff

, , , , , , , , , , , , ,

Bess Perlstein

I enjoy supporting individuals who are wanting to heal issues with body image, disordered eating, shame, anxiety, and perfectionism. I guide clients in exploring and healing their relationship with food and their bodies through embracing a Health At Every Size approach. You may resonate with the heavy feelings of not being good enough, fears of unworthiness or being too much. Learn More
Skip to content